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Last year on March 6, 2016, my only child, my daughter, Taylor passed away at the age of 19.
During that first week I told myself I had two choices; keep moving or lie down. I made the choice to keep moving but really that's all I've been doing, just moving and going through life's motions.
Grief is exhausting. Some days I am so physically tired I don't feel like I can take another step. I once read the physical feeling of grief was comparable to working in the scorching sun all day while doing physical labor. This is true, it aches to your core. Of course this has eased up a bit with time.
I've wandered about trying to navigate this new life I've been pushed into and most days just feel as if I'm moving in circles and not headed in any certain direction.
Ten weeks ago I was asked if I wanted to join the running program being offered at work. I laughed.
I was asked again and I said bring me the papers and I'll look at them. At first glance of the papers I saw the Bible verse 2 Timothy 4:7. I said I'll do it, and honestly wasn't even sure what I was signing up for. What I did know was this was a sign and something I was suppose to do.
You see, last year when I ordered my headstone, at the very last minute I had the verse added - I cant even remember where i saw it, but it had only been a few short days before. I told my mom at the time nothing will be more true when I'm laid to rest. I meant life in general; I had no clue that I would ever physically run a race.
I started this running program running 60 seconds eight times (which I thought would kill me) and progressed to running 3.1 miles. Many times during the past 9 weeks I doubted whether I could complete this. Running has been the most therapeutic thing I've done the past year and a half, and I would never dreamed I, me, would ever be a runner, AND LIKE IT. It is not only physical, but mental. I am tired, I hurt, but just as in life, I take one more step and keep going. When I think I don't have anymore left, it rises up from within and I find new strength.
It is relaxing. It empties me and allows me to end the day a little lighter than what it started.
I still don't know what my future holds, but I know it holds running.
~I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.~
2 Timothy 4:7
April
During that first week I told myself I had two choices; keep moving or lie down. I made the choice to keep moving but really that's all I've been doing, just moving and going through life's motions.
Grief is exhausting. Some days I am so physically tired I don't feel like I can take another step. I once read the physical feeling of grief was comparable to working in the scorching sun all day while doing physical labor. This is true, it aches to your core. Of course this has eased up a bit with time.
I've wandered about trying to navigate this new life I've been pushed into and most days just feel as if I'm moving in circles and not headed in any certain direction.
Ten weeks ago I was asked if I wanted to join the running program being offered at work. I laughed.
I was asked again and I said bring me the papers and I'll look at them. At first glance of the papers I saw the Bible verse 2 Timothy 4:7. I said I'll do it, and honestly wasn't even sure what I was signing up for. What I did know was this was a sign and something I was suppose to do.
You see, last year when I ordered my headstone, at the very last minute I had the verse added - I cant even remember where i saw it, but it had only been a few short days before. I told my mom at the time nothing will be more true when I'm laid to rest. I meant life in general; I had no clue that I would ever physically run a race.
I started this running program running 60 seconds eight times (which I thought would kill me) and progressed to running 3.1 miles. Many times during the past 9 weeks I doubted whether I could complete this. Running has been the most therapeutic thing I've done the past year and a half, and I would never dreamed I, me, would ever be a runner, AND LIKE IT. It is not only physical, but mental. I am tired, I hurt, but just as in life, I take one more step and keep going. When I think I don't have anymore left, it rises up from within and I find new strength.
It is relaxing. It empties me and allows me to end the day a little lighter than what it started.
I still don't know what my future holds, but I know it holds running.
~I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.~
2 Timothy 4:7
April
